Pain and Loss
by Patricia Sage
Summary: A depressing one-shot regarding the aftermath of a raid of demons.  Warning: contains character death.


**Author's Note: Okay this one is a little depressing; just warning you. It was just an idea that I had in my head and decided to write down. I don't know why. Anyways, on with the show!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own squat (ahaha)**

A raid of demons. Hundreds of them. Flooding the city. Every Shadowhunter and Downworlder in Idris was out and fighting in the streets. Screams of panic and pain filled the air, voices calling frantically for loved ones in the chaos. Black smoke hung thick in the night sky as demons danced in the flames, creating horrifying sillhoutes in the firelight. The slaughter was awful and long and they were losing too many lives. Then, suddenly, it all stopped. The battle was over, at least for now.

The Lightwoods and everyone close to them had gathered in an abandoned house. The windows wre shattered, the furniture was destroyed and there was blood staining the tattered carpet, but no one noticed or cared. Everyone was in a state of shock and anxiously waiting for the four people missing to arrive. So far, the group had been very lucky. The only people who hadn't come safely and who's fates were unknown were Simon Lewis, Alec Lightwood, Jocelyn Fairchild, and Aline Penhallow. The rest of them were passing time by pacing the frayed and ripped maroon carpet, sitting on a torn chair or sofa, longingly and worriedly staring out the window, or staring blankly into space. It was the people that stared at nothing that were the most terrified.

Jace was holding Clary as she was close to a nervous breakdown. "I can't lose my mom and Simon on the same day! Oh Angel..." Luke was rubbing her back, trying to keep her and himself in control of their panic. Jace, not one for empty reassurances, did not tell her things like "I'm sure they're fine" or "it's going to be okay." Instead, he did what he could to comfort her by holding her close.

The Penhallows were tense with worry for their daughter. They had already suffered the loss of their son, and now Aline could possibly have left them, also. The parents were sitting close together on a faded couch which was pushed, at an angle, to the wall. They appeared to be praying to the Angel for their offspring to be alright.

Magnus Bane did not feel like sitting down and he was never one for pacing, so he just stood with his back against the wall, trying to pretend that he wasn't completely terrified. Although, through much practice, his face betrayed nothing of the panic inside, one look into his eyes and anyone would have been able to see that he was completely panicked. He kept his head down and muttered to himself things like "Alec's alright. He's fine" over and over.

Alec's parents were standing by their daughter, trying to get her to calm down. Isabelle Lightwood wouldn't calm, though, and nothing Maryse or Robert did would make her less stressed out. "What if he's hurt and no one can find him? What if he's DEAD? How can you just stand here? Aren't you scared that your only remaining son might never come back?" She accused her parents loudly.

"Of course we are!" Robert shouted, his control shattering for a moment. "Don't you think that we want to run out there and find him? Don't you think that your mother and I are so afraid that we'll never see Alec again?" The loudness of his words, mixed with the tense atmosphere of the room caused everyone to fall silent. For a few moments, all you could hear was the ticking of a grandfather clock somewhere and Magnus' muttering.

Suddenly, there came a knock at the door. Everyone jumped up and each person faced the door in tense anticipation. Whether it was a loved one returned or a demon at the door, they were ready. The door swung open and Aline Penhallow stood on the threshold. She had a few cuts on her face and was covered in soot and blood, but was otherwise unharmed. Her parents rushed toward her, Mr. Penhallow setting his gun down on the sofa when he left the spot. Everyone relaxed a little and some returned to their original activities, while others confronted Aline, asking her questions that she could not answer. She seemed a little disorientated and she had no idea where the others were.

Many more minutes passed-in which Aline never left her parents' side. Then another knock rang clearly through the air. Once again, everyone looked up hopefully and warily as the door swung open with a rusty groan.

"Mom!" Clary rushed our of her boyfriend's arms and into her mother's as the woman entered the slightly-crowded room. She held her daughter close as Clary sobbed into her chest. Jocelyn looked around at everyone in the room, taking note of who was here, and who's absense was painfully aparent. Luke joined the mother and daughter and made it a group of three as they held each-other close.

When she was able to speak, Clary asked her mom, "Did you see Simon?"

"Or Alec?" Isabelle added urgently. Jocelyn sadly shook her head.

Many more stress-filled moments passed as people made idle conversation to pass time. Many people sat down and tried to relax a little, but no one could even pretend that everything was alright. They still had two missing. Even the people who weren't really attatched to Alec or Simon in any way was completely affected by the mood that hung thick in the air of the ruined residence. And how did the demons manage to get into Idris, again! What did this mean?

Every person had a lot on thier mind when a final knock came at the wooden door. Heads shot up eagerly and people held their breath, but the door did not open. Just when people started to dissapointedly sink back, there came a muffled call from ourside. "Could somebody open the door?"

"Simon!" Cried Clary-and a few others, but it was the redhead who ran up and turned the brass knob. She fell back into the room with a horrified gasp.

Simon kicked open the door all the way and stepped in. He hadn't been able to use his hands because of what he was carrying in his arms. Reactions filled the room with sounds; Isabelle screamed, Maryse burst into tears onto her husband's shoulder, Jace gave a cry of fury and punched the wall closest to him, and Magnus ran forward only to stop in the middle of the room as if frozen.

Luke Garroway's voice cut through everyone's dispairing noises. "Is he..."

Simon spoke, "I'm so sorry. He was already dead when I found him." A few people flinched at the word 'dead' and Simon swallowed hard. "I thought I should bring him here."

The vampire gently lay the body of Alec Lightwood onto the carpet. The remaining Lightwoods who hadn't been crying stopped holding back and let the tears flow. To see a strong man like Robert Lightwood with tears streaking down his face as he stared at the still form of his dead son broke many people's hearts. Jace sank to his knees, not even bothering to cradle his bloody knuckles. The expression on his face was pure agony at the loss of his brother, best friend, and parabatai.

Magnus' reaction was not as extreme as Alec's family members' had been. He was still standing in the middle of the room, looking down at Alec's still face in pain and disbelief. "No." He whispered brokenly. Slight tremors shook his body and he clenched his fists and squeezed his eyes shut as he repeated the single-syllable, two-letter word over and over.

Somebody gently touched his shoulder and he jumped, his eyes flying wide to see the open face of Jocelyn Morgenstern. Her eyes shone with moisture, but she seemed more concerned with his emotions that she was about her own. When they made eye-contact, the Shadowhunter gave a little gasp. She had seen all he was feeling through his eyes. Magnus saw this and lowered his gaze, taking deep breaths to attempt to regain his composure. Her hand didn't release its firm grip on his shoulder as he collected himself; it was a silent sign of reassurance and support. He reachd up and held her hand for a few seconds, then gently slid it off of the shoulder of his leather jacket.

He dropped to his knees beside the still form of his boyfriend. Simon was no longer standing on the threshold-he was conforting Clary and Isabelle-and no one had closed the door. Magnus barely noticed as the breeze kissed his face. It blew Alec's dark hair onto his forehead and, without thinking, Magnus gently swept it back. He had done this countless times, but never before had Alec's face been so cold and unresponsive.

He noticed his hand was shaking as he brought it back and he curled it into a fist, biting his lip and closing his eyes once more. The tremors that shook him were slight indications of the pain that was coursing through his heart and soul.

He felt the hand on his shoulder again and looked up once more to Jocelyn's green eyes. "I can't do this...not again." He said in a broken voice.

"What?" Jocelyn asked patiently.

Magnus took hold of Alec's cold, limp hand with such tenderness that made the Nephilim's heart break. "I can't attend another funeral, go through this pain, recover and find another person to love and love me. I can't. Not again." The painter crouched next to Magnus. "He was something special." The warlock whispered. "Letting him go, it's killing me. I can't take it. Not him. He had such a hold on my heart...on my soul. It's tearing me apart."

He looked into her eyes once more and she knew what he planned to do. "Magnus, you can't-"

"Please Jocelyn!" The desperate pleading and raw hurting in his voice forced her to comply.

"Oh Magnus..." She touched his face. "The world will be an awful place without you."

The warlock's gaze once again returned to the fallen Shadowhunter's still face. "The world is Hell without Alec." He whispered, then looked back at her. "Everything that I own goes to you and the Lightwoods, mostly Isabelle." Jocelyn nodded. Whatever she could do. "And tell them I'm sorry, but-"

"Magnus, you can't!" The voice of Simon interrupted him as he ran up and looked down at the kneeling warlock in front of him in shock and disbelief.

Magnus gave an emotionless laugh. "You and your vampire hearing..."

Simon ignored the comment. "How can you even think of that! Surely you can pull through!"

Magnus rose up from the floor and stood in front of Simon, leaning forward until he could look deep into the vampire's black eyes. He kept his voice low so as not to draw too much attention. "I have 'pulled through' so many deaths of lovers, believe me. But, none of them-none, in all of my 800 years-has even come close to having a place in my heart like Alec has. Usually, I would recover, but not this time." He shook his head with a grim set of his mouth. "I'm tired of living in this world, Simon. I was planning on doing this long ago, but then Alec came into my life and made it worth living again. And now he's gone." He looked back to Alec, then to Simon again. The pain in his voice was almost palpable. "I can't live without him."

Simon's expression was desperate. "But, you can't! Haven't we already experienced enough death?" When Magnus shook his head, Simon took him roughly by the shoulders. "Dude, it's just the shock of it. You'll get over him!"

Magnus removed his hands. "No. I won't." Simon must have seen the decision in his eyes, because he gave up trying to change the warlock's mind. He wasn't happy about it, though.

"And now I'm going to have to live with the guilt that I let you do this!"

the boy by the shoulders. "You'll get over it." He said with a smile that didn't reach his cat eyes. "Can you do me a favor?" Simon nodded. "Make sure that they remember me as I was; at my best. Not as someone who died a very cowardly death." The vampire nodded again, grimacing.

Magnus sank down to his spot beside Alec. "You would be dissapointed in me." He said. He seemed to be speaking to his dead lover, but Simon couldn't help but listen, anyway. "You died such a noble death. Like you were destined to." He tenderly touched the side of Alec's face. "I'll be joining you soon." He leaned down and pressed a short kiss to the cold lips of his lover. His hand rested on the Shadowhunters torn and bloody chest for a few seconds, feeling the lack of heartbeat, then he stood up quickly.

"Thank you, Simon." He said, then walked passed the dark-haired boy. On his way by, he picked up Patrick Penhallow's pistol off the couch. His hand left a bloody streak on the faded material where the weapon used to lay. Simon had to look away as the warlock made his way into another room, unoticed.

Jocelyn came up and gave Simon a hug. "You did the right thing." She whispered. They could only stand there, waiting for the inevitable.

They flinched when the gunshot pierced the air, effectively silencing everyone else in the room. Robert noticed the absense of Patrick's gun and looked around the room, trying to figure out who was missing. The awful realization came into his eyes and he opened the door to the other room and saw the deathly still and silent form of Magnus Banem, sprawled on the floor with the gun hanging limply in his hand. He backed out of the room, then slid down a wall and stayed there with his head in his hands.

A raid of demons. A night of pain and loss.

**Author's Second Note: And there it is folks. That was quite different from my other stories regarding mood as well as length. Tell me what you thought!**

**Take care.**  
**-Patricia Sage**


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